Monday, August 23, 2010

What am I trying to prove to myself?

I've been staring at this blank page for a while now, unsure of what to write.
What did I expect from this summer? Not much. However, the last couple of weeks made this summer the best summer thus far. Never have I felt so happy, rebellious, fufilled, and...free. A 180 degree turn from the last few weeks of high school.
I'm leaving to college on Wednesday, and I never looked forward to anything more in my life...besides finishing up the packing. It still didn't hit me yet. My walls are bare from the lack of posters, my closet is empty with the exception of summer clothes, and my living room is a mess right now because of the suitcases and boxes. However, I don't feel scared yet. I guess I'm a late bloomer. I'm ready for change. Chances are, however, when I walk into my dorm at Sadler Hall after the first day of orientation and sit on my new bed, I will feel that pit in my stomach we all know too well: homesickness.
I will miss the home-cooked Korean food, the comfort of my own bed and bathroom, the soft carpeted floors, and privacy. Most of all, I will miss my family and friends.
Two days left. Let it all soak in.

The following passage came from her0in_chic's facebook group (her0in_chic being a blog I follow religiously). Filled with quotes, inspirational pictures, and moral support, no site has ever pulled me through the worst of times like this site. Don't judge the site by its name. I highly recommend you to follow it. I hope it lifts your spirits like it has lifted mine.


&c.


On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realize there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

2 comments:

  1. Vania, I just want to say thank you for posting that passage from the blog. After staying here in Syracuse for two days, you tend to forget a little piece of who you are amidst all of the excitement, fear, homesickness and awkward moments. Thank you for reminding me and I can't wait until you join me here on wednesday - here's to the next four years of our lives! <3

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  2. The heroin chic blog is so inspirational and I loved that! I'm so glad you had a great summer ;] filled with so many adventures and NO regrets. Good luck in Syracuse. You are just going to do just fine bff! <3

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